To the “you’ll knowers”,
When we became pregnant we were suddenly dumped in to a world
of unanswerable questions. This is a
somewhat foreign concept to us both as we are quite logical and scientifically
minded. We can normally work out or find
(thanks google) the answer to most of our urgent questions easily.
But this was different…
Are we really sure
we are pregnant could be easily answered however. 15 pregnancy tests later we finally looked at
each other and went “Oh – so it happened then”.
Is it ok in there? Is it still
in there? Will it be ok? Is it in the right place? Am I eating the right things? How will my
body make a placenta –I’ve never made a placenta before - do I need an instruction guide for this?
Waiting was hard.
Going to the first midwife appointment was hard – I thought they’d at
least check I wasn’t making it up – but instead I got asked what my job was and
where I wanted to give birth. “Hang on a
sec” I thought “I’ve not accepted there is a baby in there yet – let alone
thought about where it’s going to come out… or even worse… how!”.
But over time I gradually accepted that I was pregnant. I’d have secret chats with the “poppy seed”
and “sunflower seed” and “grape” as it grew. I’d have these in the car so
no-one could hear me speaking to my stomach.
What if it wasn’t there anymore?!
We kept it secret for as long as we could – unfortunately
hourly explosive “morning” sickness that lasted 24 hrs a day for 16 weeks kind
of gave the game away. I am not always
the most cheerful person at work but when the (self confessed!) office grouch says “God you look miserable” then you know things are pretty tough. And... shouldn't I be ecstatic and not miserable at being so ill?"
Trying to find food that didn't make me vom
By our 20 week scan we were starting to feel more hopeful
that this would happen. We saw a baby on
the monitor – a real baby with arms and legs and a head and “bits” that we
decided to keep secret so we would have a surprise. “But I know it’s a boy” I blurted out as we
were leaving. “How can you know that?!”
said Techno Dad. “I just have a feeling”
I replied and we looked at the face of the sonographer to see if we could work
her out. She just shrugged and said
“well you’ll find out in 6 months won’t you”.
But I spotted the twinkle in her eye.
I was right! A slight, momentary twinge of disappointment as I waved bye to the
idea of girly shopping trips was quickly replaced with thoughts of Granddad
steam train trips and tractor toys and “aren’t boy clothes just the best!!”.
I’ve always wanted a boy!
I got bigger and started to need to buy bigger clothes and
still I didn’t quite believe there could be a baby in there. How was I growing a baby? I Googled it…. I read and understood, but seriously how?!?! I was putting food in
me (mainly cake I will admit) and my body was magically turning it into a
person. A cake baby.
Eventually after what seemed no time at all and all the time
in the world, we got close to v-day.
(See if you can work that one out! Haha). But WHEN – WHEN were we going
to meet him? (oh did I just say him – it’s a sign). I read EVERYTHING I could find on “how to
know you are going into labour”. I
Googled images – totally gross! I analysed every twinge and every pang. Anything slightly
out of the ordinary I said “oh is this it?! Will today be The Day?!”
We crept closer and closer.
“You’ll be early” someone said. “No it’s your first baby – you’ll be
late” someone else said. “Don’t worry,
rest up, they’ll come when ready, you’ll know” someone else said.
But will I? I haven’t known how to grow him (oops – said it
again, it’s definitely a sign!).
I stayed close-ish to home – just in case. I kept track of the Braxton Hicks. “I’m getting a lot of these Hicks” I said
“What does this mean”. One Monday
morning I got very strong Hicks so we decided to time them. 7 minutes apart. Eeek is something starting? We rang the
midwife. “Oh they’re not real
contractions” she said “You’ll know”
when they are real – go and have a bath and a paracetamol”. “Pah – whatever!” I thought and turned to
Google. Google annoyingly told me to
“have a bath, paracetamol and relax”. Screw Google.
Two weeks later I was still having the Hicks. I was fed up.
We went for the day out 2 hours away from home in the hope it would spur
something on. I ate more cake. I cried
and said “there isn’t a baby in there afterall – this is just a cruel joke!” “How will I know a real contraction?!”. “You’ll know”.
Urgh. I stuffed some more cake in.
"It's all about the cake... in my face... no salad!"
I woke in the night with back ache. “From all the walking” I
thought. Techno Dad got me a hot water
bottle and we cracked open the Tens machine to practice with. It was bloody
expensive after all. I Googled. “Oh back
ache can be a sign….”. I fell asleep and
by morning it had gone. Throughout the next day I had a few bouts of “painful
tightenings”. “Oh you’ll know if they are real
contractions – you’re just in false labour” the lady at the end of the phone
said. There was nothing false about
this! I was miserable. I wanted to punch the “You’ll knowers” in the face.
We got to Sunday (the due day) and decided to go to the
shops – to “get some fresh air”. I sat
eating a sandwich and hot chocolate rocking and moaning every 5 minutes. “Nah these are just Hicks” I said to Techno Dad.
“I should know if these are real –
these don’t hurt enough”. I ignored the slightly worried stares from
the staff and saw the man sat behind me move his bag away from my chair. I saw a lady behind the food counter get the mop out. "Don't worry!" I wanted to shout at them "I'm not going to pop here - this baby isn't coming today - it's just The Hicks". But instead I ate my sandwich. "Wow this hot chocolate tastes awesome and this sandwich is the best ever" I thought as I shovelled it in.
We went for a walk down the canal. Let’s walk this baby out. … we got home
and….. nothing…..cue more frustrated tears....
Anything to distract me from The Hicks
So… to cheer me up Techno Dad made a chicken pie and we
started to watch the X-factor. About 5
minutes in I decided I couldn’t be bothered with the X-factor and I was fed up so I
was going to go to bed. “So early?” said
Techno Dad. “Yes” I said “I have had
enough of today”. I scooped up The Cat,
got a handful of extra pillows and a hot water bottle. I made us a nest in the bed, turned my phone
off and we fell fast asleep.
I woke up at 12:10 with more Hicks. “Shall we ring the hospital?” said Techno
Dad. “Can do” I replied “But they’ll say the same. They’ll tell me to have a paracetamol and
have a bath”. We did. They did.
So we ran a bath and raided the medicine cabinet. “These hurt” I said to Techno Dad. I enjoyed my candle lit, Killers bath in-between The Hicks and then suddenly shouted to Techno Dad “Out – get out – I need the loo”. As I made it to the loo, I heard a car backfire outside. Expect it wasn’t outside and it wasn’t a car. It was me. Techno Dad came running back in – the waters had gone. We rang the hospital back. They told me to see if I could stay at home for a bit longer. At this point I KNEW. “In the car NOW” I shouted to Techno Dad. He looked doubtful – we had heard so many stories of people being turned away. “NOW!!!!” I shouted. He agreed. Best not to argue with a naked, pregnant, shouty lady who has just exploded in the bathroom.
Then it all became blurry – I remember being hunched over
the stairs. I remember thinking I was
waking all the neighbours with my shouting. I remember
staring at the sat nav in the car working out I had 12 minutes to wait till we
got there. I remember seeing the speedo
creeping a little bit faster as we sped down the motorway. For the one time in my life I didn’t tell
Techno Dad to “slow down”. (TechnoDad would like to state clearly here that "at no point in time was the speed limit exceeded!" - don't worry Grandma!).
We got to the hospital and parked up. I forgot all worries about bags in the boot
and took myself and my phone and the tens machine still hooked to me and
waddled into the main entrance. I
remember seeing a man in a high vis jacked pop his head round the door as I
moaned my way through the main hall. He
wasn’t bothered – must see this all the time.
We got in the lift “NOT HERE” I thought and willed the lift to keep
moving. I waddled down the corridor
having to stop every 45 seconds to hang off the handle bar running along the
walls. Ladies burst out of side doors
with wheel chairs “TOO SLOW” I shouted at them and carried on waddling. The corridor was never ending!
Eventually someone shouted my name. “Here you go – come in here”. I just about got into the birthing room
before I started ripping my clothes off.
“Don’t you want to wait a minute” said the midwife. “No” I said “please check the baby is
ok”. She did. “Right she said – you are making a lot of
noise – let’s see how far along you are – you could be here for a while”. “Pah” I thought “This baby is coming
NOW”. She got the gas and air out for
me. Man that stuff if good. I had entered 5 bottles of prosecco land and
couldn’t care less that some strange lady I had known for 3 minutes was poking
about in private places. “Hmm – she
said. Now I see the noise – you are actually 9cm”. “Told you so! 9 freaking cm” I shouted (what a
bossy – know it all pregnant lady!). I
managed to high five Techno Dad. “Do you
want a water birth?” said the midwife. I
managed a nod. At this point in time I
heard her “whisper” to Techno Dad – “there might not be time”. There WILL be I thought. I held on and somehow got myself into the
pool where suddenly everything felt so much better. Maybe all those baths had helped after all. “How long have we been here?” I managed to
say to Techno Dad. “20 minutes” was the
reply. I could see the clock hands ticking and they seemed to flick between
super fast and slow motion at the same time.
“I need to push” I said “NOW”. She told me to wait. This was the hardest part. “Why? Tell me why!” She explained that if I pushed now I would
damage myself and it would take longer.
I held on. Gritting my teeth
around the gas. I was in a night club –
dancing with my friends. This was great!
Oh shit… another one. This HURTS!
“I can see the head” she said. I wanted to laugh. All I could picture was every episode of Call
The Midwife and One Born Every Minute and one clip from a Carry On Film rolled
into one, in a dirty night club, with prosecco. But no words would come out. I
had room spin. So I pushed. Three pushes and there was a head. I felt
some damage. But… there literally was a head. Magic! “Look at that Techno Dad!
Look!” How was this happening?! I zoned back in to hear Techno Dad mutter
“You’re incredible”. “Too right, I am” I
thought “I’m superwoman”.
And then I heard a baby cry.
But not mine – it didn’t sound like mine. The woman in the next room had just had her
baby. I suddenly was desperate to see,
hold and hear mine. I pushed again – 2 more and in blur of every emotion going
he was placed in my arms. It was a boy.
I looked at Techno Dad.
“Look what we made – he’s here!” I’m sure he won’t mind me sharing there
was a tear in his eye. Mine were raging
waterfalls.
This was just one eye!
I knew he was a boy. Just like I knew he
would arrive on this day. I He was perfect - the perfect 7.
4:22; a time that will be burned into my
brain forever. Our little Baby had
arrived. And I just
knew what we would call him. Baby J - welcome to the world.
10 fingers....
....and 10 toes
Suddenly it
dawned on me that my body had done this, all of this, without me really. Well done body – you’re awesome. You just knew what to do. High five!
I have to say it, it pains me to… but “You’ll knowers” – you
were right.
Medusa Mum x
Medusa Mum x
